"(Written September 2005) It was one year ago today that our daughter was admitted to Kolob Canyon RTC. The fear that gripped our souls that day was terrifying. Our lives had spun so out of control that I was constantly sick of heart and mind. After my husband dropped our daughter off at Kolob, he drove away, called me and we cried together. That day, one year ago, the journey began. The work for all of us was hard. We wanted more than anything to have our daughter back. We all suffered during those first days. Our daughter not wanting to be at Kolob and us wishing we didn't have to have her there. The post traumatic stress I experienced brought panic attacks at any time of the day or night. And I wondered if our decision to send her to Kolob would bring about the change we were all hoping for. My husband and I were determined to do our part and examine ourselves. Still it took months not really knowing where this journey would lead. As you know, we almost took her out of Kolob at one point, when it looked as though she wouldn't return to live with us for more than a month or two. Although we wavered, I was glad when my husband made the decision that she would stay. The last parent weekend was a hard one for us, because the fear of her returning home and relapsing was so terrifying. As much as we wanted our daughter home, we didn't know if we were ready. One of the things that helped us was becoming involved in Alanon and Couples in Recovery. We attend separate Alanon meetings and the Couples group together. We started this about 3 months before our daughter came home. We have no intention of stopping; it continues to be a mainstay of support. The recovery principles and tools that our daughter learned at Kolob, we continue to use through our individual recovery programs.

Today at N.A. our daughter received her Key Tag: "Clean and Serene for 1 year." 40 of those weeks were at Kolob and 12 have been at home. The first month she was home was guided by the home contract. She was fragile then and sometimes we felt our daughter would do things she wouldn't ordinarily do, maybe just to test our reactions. While she was at Kolob, I determined the best way for me to talk to her was in a quiet and gentle voice and to never let something go unresolved. So when the inevitable disagreements arose, we took our time-outs, came back together after 30 minutes and always worked it through. The second month our daughter became bolder in her desire to see the terms of the contract be renegotiated. My husband and I chose carefully what we would renegotiate. Basically, we kept in mind one of the things staff mentioned about relapse, which was “parental capitulation.” We have held firm on most things. At the end of the second month we seemed to turn the “Confidence Corner.” Our trust in her and hers in us increased.

In Month 3, our daughter decided that if renegotiation wasn't going to work, she would give it a try, without asking. I came home one day to little straws in her ear piercings. She had decided to begin gauging out her ears. Obviously, that brought us to the table for another Family Meeting. (I was expecting more than one time-out over this one, but in fact, one was all we needed.) We asked her to wait to gauge out her ears until we take her to college in two years and she has agreed.

One of the main differences we have seen in our home in the past 3 months is that no disagreement is discussed with raised voices. Do you know how significant that is? Another huge difference is that our daughter is able to treat us with kindness after she doesn't get what she wants. She doesn't isolate in her room and she doesn't do things to hurt herself or one of us. She is able to rejoin our family and be an agreeable member.

I have wanted to write a thank you note for a long time, but honestly, I have been afraid to do so before now. Of course, I don't know what tomorrow holds. But today, one year later, we will rejoice in her first birthday of sobriety. On September 18th, in the Courage to Change it says, "If someone had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I wouldn't have believed it possible." That's exactly how we feel today. As she and I attend Alanon and NA in the same building on Sundays, I read that to her as we were walking out to the car last week. She kissed my forehead and said, "I love you too, Mom."

Please share this letter with all the staff. Each one has contributed to our recovery in many unique ways. Thank you for not only saving our daughter's life, but giving her the tools to live life well. It is a pleasure for us to love and share our home with her. We are very proud her and the greatness that she now knows, lies within.

Hugs for all you've done for our family,"

-- C.J., Illinois

"I would just like to mention that Kolob Canyon therapists really understood what all the parents were going through and how everyone needed the support of each other. Contact with others was encouraged as was sharing. Although it was difficult to share, it was extremely helpful to see and feel that you were not alone. This instilled a feeling of closeness among the parents and also a feeling of closeness with the therapists as they shared their own experiences. Another area in which Kolob excels is the availability of the therapists. David was available day & night, weekdays and weekends. It is a 24/7 job for him. He cares."

-- M. L., Missouri

"When I realized my daughter needed help, she was 16 and my husband and I felt that if nothing was done she was going to be dead, hurt someone or someone would hurt her. Kolob Canyon is saving our daughter's life .She is learning the skills that we as parents somehow were not successful at doing so. What I love about the program is that it really involves the parents and my husband and I in many ways feel that we too are in the program and we have so much to learn. Kolob canyon has been an answer to many prayers and indeed we are blessed to have given our family an opportunity to be a family... May you too be blessed in your quest to find what is best for you and your beloved daughters.. Aloha from Hawaii."

-- A.M., Hawaii

“Things had become unmanageable in my life with my 13 year old. They had been deteriorating for a year when I sent her, at her request to live with her father. I hoped that he would be able to do what I hadn't. She left my home in Florida in June a year ago.

It was apparent to me from nearly the beginning that there was less control with her dad than there had been with me. The phone calls that I received were distressing at best. A series of out of control scenarios came in the form of late night calls and discussions between her dad and I about what our options were.

Finally at 2AM on a late November night, I got a call stating that my daughter had taken 2 bottles of over-the-counter pain medicine and she and my ex-husband were headed for the local emergency room. The next day I was on a plane to NYC, and at the beginning of the destination of what ended up being Kolob Canyon Residential Treatment Center.

When I got to the hospital, my daughter had gotten out of intensive care and was on the pediatric ward with a 24-hour companion as she was in danger of suicide and running. She was wild by any standards, unwilling to talk and unrealistic about the seriousness of her situation. She said she wanted to go out that weekend and party with her friends! There was little getting through to her and her father and I were totally unprepared to take her home, knowing that she had no intention of modifying her behavior. Her use of alcohol and dabbling with drugs, sex and defiant behavior had become her norm, and we were helplessly watching as our daughter descended into a dark world. I called a friend who is a therapist and got referrals of places that she had successfully sent other teenagers who were troubled and began the search for where to place our child.

Kolob was the place that caught my eye first and then agreed upon by my ex-husband and our family who helped with the financial arrangements. We liked the use of equine therapy in addition to daily regular therapy and the non-denominational spiritual focus. We felt we needed at least 6 months for both our daughter to look at her life and make changes and for us as parents to do our own work. We realized that she hadn't gotten into this situation alone. It was definitely all of us who found ourselves here through misdirection and the mishandling of many years of her life, and we all needed to work to get her back.

Sending her was a very hard decision to make and our daughter was very opposed initially. She was devastated for the first month or so and so was I. She was angry with me primarily and I wondered if I would ever have a relationship with my daughter again.

As time went by and we began visiting on the parents’ weekends, the changes in her were astounding. She began communicating and thinking in a new way.

She came home in June. She is still the same girl she was, a teenager with difficulties and life challenges abounding, but she has shown an integrity and sweetness that I had forgotten she possessed. I am indebted to Kolob and the staff there for giving me an opportunity to know my child and with the possibility of seeing her grow up into the amazing adult that I know she can be.

--Y. W., Florida

“She is much more rational and has learned self-control and self-awareness at Kolob Canyon…She can interact with her parents and her siblings on a much more mature level. Thanks for the help. God Bless.”

--S. R., California

It has been nearly a year since our daughter completed her program at Kolob Canyon. She is currently a freshman in college and doing quite well; she is making good choices around friendships, actively participates in campus life and has been able to prioritize when it comes to her studies. But perhaps more important than her achievements, she has reconnected with us and her siblings. We feel as though we have our daughter back – the daughter who brought us so much joy and who was so sensitive and caring as a young child.

When we sent our daughter to Kolob Canyon we felt as though we had exhausted our resources. We had been to family therapy, individual therapy, an eating disorder clinic, outpatient hospitalizations, a private single sex school, parochial school and public schools. She had been on a downward spiral and it seemed as though nothing we did really mattered.

Kolob Canyon provided our daughter with a secure and loving holding environment where, under the direction of a well-trained and nurturing clinical staff, she could begin to heal and reconnect with the good inside of herself. While she was at Kolob we were also on the journey with her and being challenged to do our individual and family work. I believe that one of the greatest strengths of Kolob Canyon’s program was the family component. We can look back now and realize the strength and growth we experienced as a couple and family during our daughter’s treatment. Our entire family is in a much better place at this point in how we respect and communicate with one another. I am truly grateful for the time my daughter spent at Kolob Canyon and for the joy and laughter that has come back into our lives!

--T.B., Pennsylvania

It was difficult to acknowledge that my daughter needed help with life coping skills that I had been unable to give her. When life's choices and challenges lead our daughters to make decisions that are not healthy and positive it is necessary to get help. Kolob Canyon has been an extraordinary experience for my daughter. She has amazed herself with the understanding and perceptions that have evolved. The atmosphere is one of nurturing and care without the escapes and pretenses our teens use to avoid life.

My concerns that my daughter was not motivated, confident, or optimistic about her future and her self-harm led us to this program. The changes that she feels and the self-knowledge that she now has are very exciting for us both. I truly believe that this experience and the lessons my daughter has learned not only saved her life but also taught her skills and insights that will help her to lead a happier and more productive life. I can't imagine a better program for my daughter and our family- her future is open to great possibilities. I have not felt that way in a long time.

--K.F., California

“Just a long overdue note to let you know that our daughter is doing ever-so-well. I am amazed that I am actually enjoying my daughter’s company for maybe the first time in many a year…She has met a nice young man who neither drinks or smokes and she has been very responsible in her dealing with me about him and everything. She told me yesterday that she was in to building trust!!! What a concept! I am so very grateful. Thank you so very much. Whatever happened there was indeed a blessing.”

--Y. W., Florida